You know, for a long time I'd tried to figure out what prom is really like, and I knew that no teen movie or TV show would help me in my quest for realism. Well, my curiosity's been fulfilled--and I have gained so much knowledge.

I just hope it's that romantic.

P.S. I'm bringing my own punch, thank you very much. And probably my uncle.

To tell you the truth, everyone's a little too unhappy, and maybe it's the new fad of 2005, but I remember a little unhappiness in 2004 too. I've been telling everyone how 2005 is a bigger number than 2004, and that "Bigger is ALWAYS better!," but for goodness' sake people! No one believes me, and I don't see why they should. So if you're ever in denial, you can always console yourself with the thought that you're not Saddam Hussein, although he's probably in a really cool "Ex-Dictator" VIP prison. I'd also go with Osama Bin Laden, but that situation's a little skeptical until we see him being chased around by the President in his boxers on the front lawn of the White House; for all we know, he might be chillin' (as he probably puts it to some of his closest Al Jazzar Jihad warrior buddies) on some beach in the Bahamas, where I daresay I should be chillin' instead of him. But I'm sure we're all safe until Michael Moore realizes that he's a big, fat, and stupid white man; Hollywood marriages start lasting; the Pentagon becomes bulletproof; and Anna Nicole Smith goes into rehab for her addiction to Trim Spa. Also a probable indication to the Apocolypse AKA "The Final Spa for the human race": me getting an IPOD.

We're going to be here a little while longer.

If you think about it, the only way to get out of a really uncomfortable situation is to resort to faking a seizure. Or you could be polite and say, "Oh yeah, you make me really uncomfortable so I'm going to walk away quickly and you really can't follow me this time," but the faux-seizure is infinitely easier, especially since nobody can really mess up a fake seizure. But the truth is that once the truth gets out, the next step will probably be to resort to violence, and everyone knows that violence doesn't pay. But any violence you would impose on this person that's making you uncomfortable would also technically be self-defense. The human race is in for a huge blowout.

I get the best ideas sitting on the toilet.